I’m starting this blog with a mix of feelings. Out of curiosity firstly, kind of own research, but also as a means of self-expression. I will be mainly dealing with aspects on how a person can learn to move through those cracks in their own shell, and by that then you learn to also break up with past life misconceptions. These wounds although deep, can only give shape and sense to my/our reality. So this is a new and unknown path of expression, and it’s about the way I have to explain how it is felt to be torn in pieces and how you struggle to find the light again and feel like living again. Survival.
I’ll use my drawings and paintings and words together with the songs and their lyrics, music, documentaries, books, people, trips and any idea I can come up with through the feelings that may come out of them. I am using English, but also Spanish because it’s my mother tongue, but I’ll try to write every entry in English too, in fact I feel more comfortable writing in English because I feel it more flexible at the time of writing, although I know that I still make mistakes sometimes. It will basically be a trip through the awakened feelings out of music, pictures and words which can run through the boundaries of languages.
I’ll move from the destruction the seed undergoes trying to explain how the human being can get a profit and heal through music, painting and writing, and because it helps me a lot, it may help someone else. I would like to show that we shouldn’t fear pain, on the contrary, although really painful, we need to dive through it to be able to find down deep inside the source that originates it. Once there, we can feel it and let it go, and when you release it you feel free of criticism, powerlessness or incomprehension. It’s in that very moment when you realize you can’t go deeper than there so you know you can start growing again to shine your greatest light again.
I know this is going to be difficult, really difficult. I’ll have to face some demons I hid down there somewhere, but I also feel that this is something I should do for myself. My language will be natural, as I usually speak, I won’t either be politically correct or cast pearls to those who aren’t worth enough. Maybe some could feel offended sometimes or can misunderstand me and believe I’m overreacting. Anyway, these are going to be my HONEST and TRUE feelings and ideas about everything that surrounds me. My search for the truth. MY TRUTH.
I remember having studied this in my “English Studies” Degree in University. In literature, when you are trying to explain what kind of narrator a text has, there’s this type I love – maybe because my mind works in the same way, and my thoughts just run free in that way LOL – called “Stream of conciousness”. Well, let’s dissect it. “Counciousness” is a word itself that I personally love – I have this strange thing with words, that I come to love them because of their form, or their sound or even just the meaning, I’m a little freak with them – because it describes so much and at the same time that entity which it describes is sooo abstract and can be soooo huge, that I just think is beautiful. I repeat. This is just me. Then, we have “stream”. If we look at the material meaning of it, we have the meaning of a little river (in Spanish we have more synonyms to this word). If we pay attention to the abstract sense of the word, what a “stream” or “river” can do, we get the meaning for the action, that of flowing, FLOW. This way I got the meaning of the full expression.
When a narrator sticks to this type, what we are going to find as readers, will be mainly the narrator’s ideas – ideas, feelings, thoughts, the conciousness – flowing freely into the paper. This is also awesome for me, how something as intangible as your consciousness can be materialized, as it comes out from what you really are. Isn’t it amazing? To be able to capture anything nonexisting and make it real? Just amazing.
So… I’ll laugh sometimes, I’ll talk to myself others, or to whoever is reading if the case, I can change the topic on a sudden or not, I will probably do whatever I feel like at the moment. BUT there’s something I need to explain, and that is the fact that I’m not a writer, or artist or a proffesional whatever-the-name-will-be-called doing this and my intention is being none of those. My drawings won’t be perfect because I lack of the knowledge and practice to do anything better, but there’s something else that they will indeed be. They will be my best attempt at explaining whatever the topic will be, and I can assure you that I’ll do my best as I always do with anything that I feel committed to. Being in this case the most important commitment I have ever done. TO MYSELF. Because most of all, I have to be true to myself. Honest to myself. I must let myself free to EXPRESS whatever I feel like expressing. I need to be honest to allow my SELF be what it really IS. I have to listen to my soul carefully to let her speak through my words and drawings. Yes. That’s what this is going to be. I’m going to ABSOLUTELY give the best of me.
I leave. Go. Set sail. Weigh anchor. And as we Galicians say: “I leave because I have to!”
What an amazing trip!!